We are feeling a bit remorseful today, as the results of the comprehensive blood tests we just completed indicate that Lea’s pancreas has deteriorated to the point that she now has super-high blood-sugar levels. Our physician, Dr. Miller, said, “I wondered how long it was going to take for this to happen.” He had commented when we first returned from Hartford that he was surprised she wasn’t already diabetic.
While it is possible her blood sugar can be controlled with proper diet and exercise, it also means that “she” is going to have to monitor her blood sugar on a regular basis. It also means that we are going to have to give up many of her favorite foods in order to bring her blood sugar under control. And, eating is one of her favorite things, so I am going to have to get a lot smarter about diabetes.
It’s ironic. While we were at the hospital today getting tests done, before we knew any results, a friend whom we hadn’t seen for several months came through the waiting area and visited briefly. He told me that he had just found out last Friday that he has Type One diabetes. My mental reaction was, “That’s not so bad. You can easily survive that!” While I was sympathetic, now I’m ashamed that I wasn’t’ more genuinely empathetic. It’s like a slap in the face when I realize how self-centered I can be!
Now, the shoe is on the other foot, and I feel the apprehension, the sense of loss, and the dread everyone must feel when they first discover their condition. Dr. Miller is sending us to a diabetes dietitian to teach us about the relationship of foods to her health and her special needs. Meanwhile, we will have to learn how to monitor her sugar levels, and we don’t know at this time whether she will have to have insulin injections or exactly what treatment she will need.
Instead of being grateful for the time we had without having to worry about her diet, I am having a bit of a personal pity party for myself as I write this. She has been through SO much. I’m sorry, but I just have to weep when I think about all she has had to deal with since regaining consciousness after her last memory, and all the limitations she has had to accept each and every day since then.
She still asks about what happened to her and what transpired while she was in the coma. She won’t, however, look at any photos from that time, and can’t bring herself to read any of the updates, nor any of the emails received in return. I don’t know that she ever will. And, I only tell her specifically what she asks about.
It still brings tears to my eyes, and often makes me sob, whenever I see one of the digital photos from her days in the coma. I don’t often open that directory or go look at them intentionally, it happens accidentally. I think its Somebody messing with me, to keep me humble!
She accepts the condition she is in, and just lifts her chin and keeps going! She is a saint! She many times gives me the strength to keep going, although I often feel I’m at the end of my rope. There are so many tasks I must handle on a day to day basis in caring for her, as well as trying to maintain a “normal” life in an abnormal situation, I feel simply overwhelmed. But, I know I must continue on until the Lord calls me home.
I often feel that she and I are living in a world parallelto yours. We can see your world, but we can’t live in it. Over in our world we have to overcome obstacle after obstacle after obstacle, and that we just have to keep mustering the strength from each other to keep going to the next obstacle. When we can have a few minutes over in your world, in a “normal” situation, it’s like an extremely welcome breath of fresh air. The Living Stones Church home study groups were terrific moments of normalcy in our tumultuous world of ups and downs.
We recall fondly the folks participating in those groups, their testimonies, their spiritual support, and the strength they gave us to continue the struggle. Christians often are not perfect, but the folks in these groups are Christians working to be as perfect as we mere humans can be in the sight of the Lord, our God. The blessings we received from these wonderful folks are too many to mention specifically!
But, I want to mention Linda, who became our advocate in a very long, trying, situation in getting needed medications when our insurance provider refused coverage. And, Bonnie, a special “Thank you” for working with Lea on getting her quilt started. She may never complete it, but you gave her motivation to rise above that drug induced fog for a few days! It was wonderful for me to momentarily see her real personality again! Bless you!
I wish for Lea, full recovery from her illnesses, which will give her “my life back,” as she refers to it. I thank God for giving me the strength and health to be able to continue providing care for her as long as she needs it. I dread every one of my medical checkups, because, sooner or later, they are going to indicate a diminished ability to care for her. I hope she can recover before that eventuality.
I believe she is an angel, sent by God to help guide my soul through this life. I would have been so very different without her guidance! And, maybe, a part of my soul’s growth and maturity, is the care, now entrusted to me, of one of God’s divine guardian angels. A pretty heavy thought, isn’t it? It’s one I don’t take lightly, whether accurate or not. But, I can tell you that when I hold her in my arms I can feel the warmth of her soul flowing into mine, and there is nothing that feels better!
I owe her whatever it takes to help her enjoy her present life to the fullest. I look forward to being with her eternally to celebrate our life together here. So right in this moment we continually give God our thanks. We rejoice in the things He has done, and will yet do for us, and through us. We count it a privilege to serve in His ranks and we worship and glorify Him. Glory to God!
Psalm 34:1,3: “I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together.”
Father, please give me the health and wisdom to provide the care for Lea that she needs during this season of trials. I pray that You will guide me in making each choice of action, and help me be a faithful servant to Your saint. Bless me with the discernment I need to make the proper decisions to help Lea recover and live a long, productive life to witness for You according to Your will. Amen