FROM: Cheryl
Sept 17 @ 10:35 PM

Hi Larry

I’ve been holding off sending you an email, afraid of saying the wrong things, I guess. But after reading your update tonight, I feel I should write you. I don’t know if you remember me all that well, I am Bruce’s wife. I met you guys once at the family reunion in Atlanta. I just wanted to you to know that as I read you updates it brings many memories back to me. I also went through something very similar to what you are going through, though I was not married as long as you guys have been. After only 3 months of marriage, my 2nd husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and struggled with that for 2 years to the day, when he died. It was very long and very hard as you know.

At the time, neither of us was “saved”. We kind of believed in God, but didn’t go to church or even live like we believed in God at all. This all made the illness that much worse because we didn’t have what you guys have to lean on. We didn’t know. Finally, only a day before he died, a man who delivered oxygen to the house just came right up and asked him if he was “saved” and I almost escorted him to the door, labeling him as a religious nut and I didn’t want Paul bothered by that. So I asked him if he wanted to talk to the man about it and he said yes, so I left the room and went out on the porch until the man left, never knowing what was said.

After Paul died I had a terrible time getting over my anger at God for “cheating” him (us) and for not answering my prayers that ran something like this “keep him from the pain, if You are going to take him, do it quickly”. Well, He didn’t do it quickly and he suffered greatly those 2 years. For about 3 or 4 years after his death, I carried this anger until one day I wrote a prayer that was about 5 pages long. Basically it was asking Paul and God for forgiveness, and asking God to use me as He chooses and to do with my life what He sees fit.

Well it was not too long after that I met Bruce and started getting to know Bruce’s family better. Actually I knew the whole family before I ever met Bruce. Gwen and I had been friends since about a year after Paul died which happened to be about year after her divorce. So I had met the family through Gwen, all except Bruce. Anyway, after I had written that prayer, I sort have forgotten about it, met Bruce, we moved in together, had some major problems and Tori called out of the blue and after disclosing the issues to her (we basically were giving up on the relationship altogether), she invited us to talk to her pastor.

Well, I had not been to any church, only sporadically over the years, and didn’t even know what it was to go to a pastor with problems. I told her that it was too late for that and she ended up talking us into it. Well, I’m glad she did, it changed my (and Bruce’s) entire life! I ended up starting to go to church on a regular basis and finally got really “saved”, I’ve not been the same since. After being baptized and receiving the Holy Ghost, God showed me some things relating to Paul that disintegrated my anger.

He showed me how He had His hand on all of it the whole time. He brought the oxygen man back to memory and showed me how Paul had gotten saved that night. I thought right then that perhaps that was why He let him go through all that pain and suffering and length of time for that one man to talk to him. Then I also saw what I went through was necessary to bring me to Him as well, and the girls (my daughters, who are now grown with families of their own) and brought Bruce back to Him and healed him of his problems! Oh the depth of both the knowledge and wisdom of God, who can fathom it?

Even as I write this I am amazed at His mercy and loving kindness even when we feel abandoned. It doesn’t matter what we feel, it only matters what IS. I know it helps to talk to someone who has “been there, done that”. I guess that is another reason I am writing. I remember that I grabbed like a lifeline when while we were going through it I met someone else that had too and it helped a GREAT deal, because it seems like nobody else could ever understand. Well, they can’t unless it has happened to them, it is that way with anything. I don’t know exactly what you are going through, we weren’t married as long as you guys and both of us had been married before, so I know it is not quite the same.

I detected from your last update your uncertainty about optimism. I understand this from previous experience as well as recent. This happened to Lea while I was just coming back from Maryland from my mom getting out of the nursing home from her recovery. She had an abdominal aortic aneurysm that we almost lost her with. For about a month we had the same daily uncertainty that you are experiencing right now, except this time I DID have God and understood some things to get us through. It is so difficult to plan for the future when things are so “up in the air”. It is like a constant confusion of “what should, could I be doing” all the time. At least that is how I felt. I wanted to be optimistic, actually that is part of what kept me sane, but learned to have a “cautious optimism” whatever that means. All is well with her now. God is so good. We got through it without losing our minds:)

Larry I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. Perhaps there is a snippet in here that God intends to use to help you, I don’t know. I feel like I am kind of rambling on. I do know that the strength and stamina both you and Lea are displaying is evidence to me of God’s gifts of mercy and love for you both. I admire you, I really do. I also work as a nurse aide in a nursing home, so some of the things you say about your caregivers really bless me. They do work very hard and most care very much. Many times we are treated with suspicion and criticism by family members, and what you say about your nurses has really had a positive effect on me in my own work as a caregiver, I guess because maybe somebody thinks that way about me and my colleagues even though they don’t say it. It is just an encouragement after a career full of harsh, constant criticism. I am sure your nurses appreciate you as much as you appreciate them!

Anyway, this is getting long. I hope that I didn’t say anything wrong, but I think that sometimes not saying anything at all can be interpreted as not caring, so I just want you guys to know that Bruce and I read your updates daily and pray for you both. If there is anything in particular besides strength, restored health, etc., that you want/need prayer for, please let us know. Thank you again for keeping the family informed and for being such an inspiration to us all. God’s Peace.

REPLY FROM: Larry Vaughn
Sept 17 @ 10:45 PM

THANK YOU, CHERYL!! What a wonderful blessing you have given me!! You give me chills!! Thank you God for this connection!! Cheryl, may I use your note to distribute to others? You truly have a WONDERFUL testimony to give ! WOW!!

REPLY FROM: Cheryl
Sept 18 @ 9:43 AM

Hi Larry, I am glad and feel relieved that note blessed you. Of course you may use whatever you like out of it, I am not worried about names etc, at least mine, I am thankful for that testimony! God is good and I believe we are supposed to openly and joyfully testify to that:) Thank you for your note. Keep the faith, give Lea a gentle hug from us, and looking forward to hearing from you again.